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tP&tP: Our Cryptic News beat writer, Rüneth, has emerged from a 48-hour dumpter dive and jive in the alley behind the medical office of tRump's personal physician. He managed to extract a small, square-ish torn bit of paper stuck to the underside of a half-eaten box of Orange Chicken. The paper included a cryptic message in physician's cursive, "Prez WOO now FOO."
Wait, what???!!! Get out! WOO? FOO? What do you make of these words, Rüneth?
Rüneth: These two words "WOO" and "FOO" are actually acronyms commonly used by physicians of politicians who rely on mind manipulation to gain followers. Among new agers and the well-informed, "woo" refers to the unexplained, esoteric powers of magicians and prophets capable of tapping into and influencing invisible forces. In the East it is called the "Tao." In Star Wars, "the force."
As many enlightened folks understand (and rue), just about all Western physicians eschew the woo in favor of what they call "rationality" and "empirical science." Some doctors have adopted the W.O.O. acronym, which stands for "Winning Over Others": a magical, super-sensible power of influence and persuasion, prevalent in charismatic leaders, especially demagogues like tRump. In a medical note, it indicates the doctor recognizes the patient's magical ability to "win over others" through sheer power of the soft skills and the personal charm.
tP&tP: What about FOO? The message reads "Prez WOO now FOO."
Rüneth: I was about to tell you before ants in their pants interrupted me.
[Long, awkward silence.]
tP&tP: Sorry.
Rüneth: Yeah, so I checked around with other physicians. No one heard of the term except one physician's assistant. She suggested I contact Doctors For Dictators, a small yet robust clan of medical doctors who do their best to keep dictators healthy. Part of their oath is to shun reporters like me, so I wasn't able to talk to any of them, but I did manage to find some super reliable information on the dark web. Turns out "WOO now FOO" is a common diagnosis given to dictators in the early phases of their ascendency and consolidation of power. The F.O.O. acronym stands for "F***g Over Others."
"Prez WOO now FOO.' Translation: The president has gone from winning over others to f****g over others. Stage 2 of Dictator's Disease.
Now let's impeach Prez tRump, the FOO-man before he destroys us all.
