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Captain Humanity — Vigilant protector of human dignity and champion for all that is noble and beautiful inside each one of us — was shot by President Trump from behind while she was walking down 5th Avenue.
But the bullet was no match for Captain Humanity. Her spiritual strength, that awe-inspiring power of human soul, deflected the tiny projectile, a .22 caliber bullet at least twice the size of the President’s penis.
Immediately, Captain Humanity spun around and faced the convicted felon and sexual predator. Before she could speak, he instinctively blurted out, “I didn't do it. I’d never shoot at you. You’re not my type.”
Undaunted (of course!), our hero addressed the old geezer in a voice loud enough for every American to hear:
“Your evil power is real, dangerous, and deadly. But let what happened here today serve as a warning to you and your cowardly minions. You can break our hearts, but you will NEVER crush our souls. We will resist your depraved policies. We will defeat you.”
